Recovering from Purity Culture

An excerpt from Dr. Camden Morgante's new book that you should all read!

Recently, a student told me a story of how one of her teachers (at a Christian high school) would ‘credit card’ the female students in the classroom. If you aren’t familiar with this term, let me explain. A female student would be required to stand up and the teacher would hold a credit card at her knee. If her skirt was higher than the credit card, the student would receive a uniform infraction for being out of dress code and then be required to find a longer skirt in the uniform closet to wear before returning to class.

As you can imagine, this was a humiliating experience. It was also a common experience shared by too many girls growing up in Christian purity culture. I am so thankful for this new book by Camden Morgante which not only exposes the damage caused by purity culture but also shows us a path forward. It is my privilege to share an early excerpt from her book (it releases tomorrow!).

If I had finished reading it in time to endorse, this is what I would have said: Recovering from Purity Culture is a gift that will help the church better understand the trauma we have caused and find the healing we need.

Excerpt from Chapter 2 of Recovering from Purity Culture by Dr. Camden Morgante, published by Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, 2024. Used with permission. http://bakerpublishinggroup.com/books/recovering-from-purity-culture/420701

Five Toxic “Christian” Cultures

Out of the toxic belief system of purity culture in the Church came several other belief systems that I call “toxic ‘Christian’ cultures.” They are toxic because they are harmful and untrue. None of them are biblical. I call them “cultures” because they are embedded into the fabric of evangelical Christianity and the Church. All of these cultures either developed as a direct result of purity culture teachings or build on each other to lead to purity culture. Therefore, in order to deconstruct purity culture, we have to deconstruct them all.

Modesty Culture

Modesty was a hot topic when I was in youth group. Books and ministries focused on promoting high modesty standards for girls so they would not tempt boys. We were taught that our value was determined by shorts that were at least fingertip length and clothing that was loose enough to hide our curves. And don’t even mention a two-piece bathing suit!

Modesty culture leads to body shame and a sense that our bodies are inherently wrong, sinful, and can cause others to “stumble.” It makes girls responsible for boys’ lust instead of empowering each sex to be responsible for their own thoughts and actions.

Rape Culture

Rape culture is the natural result of a modesty culture that blames women for men’s actions. Research reviewing Christian dating books revealed themes supportive of rape culture. We hear rape culture any time a woman is blamed, questioned, or held responsible for her sexual assault and an offender is given a free pass:

“Well, what was she wearing?”

“He’s a man; he couldn’t help himself!”

“She should have known better than to be alone with him.”

The truth is a victim is never responsible for their sexual assault, no matter what they wear, where they were, or who they were with. No one is to blame but the perpetrator (and the systems that are complicit in the abuse). Yet rape culture blames women and gives perpetrators (almost always men) a free pass.

Courtship Culture

The Duggar family of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting and Joshua Harris’s I Kissed Dating Goodbye brought the idea of parent-arranged marriages and courtship back into trend in the 1990s and 2000s. Purity culture goes hand in hand with courtship culture because one way to avoid premarital sex is to not date—or to have a chaperoned, heavily monitored courtship process.

The truth is dating can be healthy. Not all dating has to lead to marriage, but in courtship culture, we weren’t allowed to date for any other reason. Thus, courtship became the way forward for many.

Marriage Culture

There’s nothing inherently wrong with marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful gift. But toxic marriage culture idolizes marriage. Being married is given privileged status in evangelical Christianity, while other relationship statuses such as single, divorced, or widowed are often discriminated against. Churches tend to cater to the needs of couples and families, while unmarried people may be isolated from the rest of the church community.

But the truth is we are all valuable members of the body of Christ. Marriage does not make you more spiritually mature, capable of leadership, or holier. Marriage is not the ultimate goal of a Christian’s life. Serving and honoring God is—and that can happen whether single or married.

Purity Culture

Purity culture contains elements of all these other toxic Christian cultures—the idolization of marriage, a distrust of dating, an overemphasis on women’s clothing, and blaming women but exonerating men for sexual sin or violations. Purity culture, like the other four toxic cultures, is not biblical. And the root of this and other toxic so-called Christian teachings is patriarchy.

Patriarchy

Underlying all the toxic cultures is patriarchy.

What is the result of modesty culture? Men can control women through their clothing.

What does rape culture lead to? It absolves men of responsibility for their crimes and puts the blame on women.

Why is courtship culture “biblical”? Because men (especially fathers) make all the dating decisions and women follow.

Why is marriage culture so prevalent in the Church? Because women gain value and status if they are married to a man.

What is the outcome of purity culture? It controls sexuality (particularly women’s) through myths and false promises about premarital sex.

With socio-cultural changes, women began having more freedom on their own and became less dependent on men as a result. But if you could indoctrinate women to believe their sexuality is dangerous, to believe they are responsible for men’s sexual sin, that their virtue and desirability as partners is largely tied to their purity, and that their fathers need to control their dating choices, then you’ve developed another way to subdue and subordinate them—one that is so insidious, it comes under the cover of benefit and protection for women, one that is sanctified by its similarity to the Christian virtue of chastity.

Beliefs about gender roles exist on a spectrum; personally, I believe that men and women are equal in value and role. My hope is that, even from across different views, we’ll all agree on how purity culture is unbiblical and toxic and how we can move forward from it.

The problem is we cannot simultaneously heal from purity culture and promote patriarchy. We cannot support a culture that subordinates women to men. We cannot subscribe to a belief system that puts men in charge of women’s sexuality, yet blames and holds women responsible for men’s sexual sin.

Purity culture is both a systemic problem and an individual one. While the focus [in my book] is on the individual and personal experience of healing, there are systemic changes that also must be made to overcome purity culture. So if we want to fully dismantle the myths of purity culture and rebuild healthy faith and sexuality, we have to pluck out the roots of patriarchy in ourselves and in our systems.