Writing at a Time Like This

It is okay to put your pen down and breathe.

My garden has accidental sunflowers. A tribute from the birds, I think. A seed tithe, given back to me in thanks for keeping their feeders full.

I tried to start it 18 months ago, pulling the weeds and prepping the ground, in Winter 2025. But I couldn’t manage on a knee scooter, courtesy of foot surgery in January. I graduated to a walking boot in March and began laying landscape fabric. My husband surprised me with a wooden swing and, later, a bird bath.

Now, I can see my garden from my writing desk. The pots with yellow and pink and purple flowers. The lanky leaves of an amaryllis sheltering the aloe vera that surprised me, bursting through the soil where a once-large aloe vera succumbed to an unexpected freeze. I see the squirrels, forever watching the feeders, forever hopeful that this time they will overcome the squirrel-proof lock. I see the birds, more colorful everyday. I just saw one with a blue face, ruby chest, and yellow back. “Come look!,” I called to my husband. He came. We watched as it flew away.

Sometimes I feel guilty. I feel like I should be writing; not watching.

I am writing, of course. I turned another chapter into my editor this week. I have written (and given) nine talks, each one different, since January. I have written class lectures, exams, syllabi, and conference proposals. I have written more emails than I want to remember.

But I haven’t written a substack since early April.

It isn’t because I don’t know what to say. I do. I have so much to say about the Southern Baptist Convention; about TPUSA coming to my campus; about teaching suffrage while watching in real time the gutting of the Civil Rights Voting Act; about my trip to Ireland and my upcoming trips to Vancouver, London, Prague, and Rome; about getting to help an amazing scholar who is also my dear friend launch her new book soon (spoilers!); about watching Ted Lasso and For All Mankind (the first new shows outside of Marvel/Star Wars universes that I have watched in years); about my new book which I am loving to write.

I could use the excuse of grading. I have had so much grading this week! I could use the excuse of writing endorsements. I have had so many requests. But neither is true.

The truth is I haven’t written because I lost my focus for public writing. The world is so loud right now. A cacophony of wars, lies, crimes against humanity, hate speech, cruelty, political chaos, injustice and misogyny so loud I think it has to be a joke. But it isn’t. I felt like I was spinning, starting a post and then dropping it to start another one. Not finishing any.

So I stopped.

I watched my garden grow. I read the theology of medieval women and wrote two chapters. I taught my students. I watched the red birds and wrens dip in the bird bath. I ate dinner with my family. I had lunch with the graduate students working with me. I walked my dogs. I traveled. I bought theater tickets for London.

I took a breather, until I found my center again.

Thank you for staying with me. I have so much to tell you. I think the wait will be worth it.

*update: I neglected my picture captions, but the pictures are a mix of my garden and gardens that inspired me on my recent trip to Dublin. I just saw the painted bird again this morning. If I get a picture, I’ll add that as well.